Urge

I do have the urge of buying / doing many things and at the end, i end up with nothing due to my guiltiness of buying / doing it.

Today at lunch time, I saw one nice bloody handbag and i decided to buy it, because i have a thought of buying something nice for me (which i didnt do for a very long time). Then in a second, the guiltiness starts pouring in. The results i end up with nothing. It happens over and over again for many things unless if i can see my toe nails peeking up thru my shoes.

Theres something wrong somewhere. Not only happen when I want to buy things. Now it also happen when im doing things. Working late, do make me feel guilty big time. So does any activities beyond 5.30pm do make me feel guilty especially to my kids. To my dear friends, I really want to meet guys badly but I just cant. I really missed talking/doing things with people which do not-live-close-to-me.

I'm always worry if the kids get home late. I really hate it. The kids should be home by 7.30pm or earlier so that they can spend their quality time at home and not at baby sitter's. I can the see the joy on their face if they get home early.

When it does involve the kids and the family, i always feel guilty about doing anything else for myself. The guiltiness just creep into my soul where i do feel the tension and i always end up with stress.

I think its about time for a visit to "that place" again.